Taliesini viimane blogipostitus paneb muretsema

Peaks inimestega rohkem suhtlema... teaks, mis nendega ja muidu maailmas toimub. Praegu on muidugi ülikooliga nii palju tegemist olnud. Ilmselt on ka edasi. Peab mingit tasakaalulahendust otsima hakkama jälle.

Taliesin, kui sa seda loed, siis tea, et sa oled tore inimene.

Less stress

is kind of a must achieve. I've now already started to worry about what I'll do after getting my bachelor's degree. Getting to know the options etc is probably a pretty good idea. I'm quite sure getting all anxious over what exactly I should do two years from now, how I'll manage if I decide to go abroad etc, isn't. Especially when I'm trying to get better from a cold that was in all likelihood at least partially caused by getting upset over trivial things too many times in the past week. Of course I remember how I worried about university... it's strange to think about it now. I was so afraid of how everything might go, but here I am, quite enjoying it really (despite all that mostly self-induced stress). Of course, I went with the safe option here. I think it was the right choice, too. I definitely wouldn't have been ready for going abroad right after graduating school. Maybe it'll still be the right choice when the time comes for postgraduate studies. But I'm afraid it'll only be the easy choice. Something that the right one won't be. I guess I better learn some good ways of dealing with stress... (and definitely stop making it worse with thinking that leads nowhere)

World of dreams

You can't exchange one longing for another. You can't exchange one kind of closeness for another. You can't exchange one fulfilment for another. You can be satisfied and lost at the same time.

Darkness needn't be feared when it is a symbol of the unknown. To not take chances is not to Live.

But life isn't that simple.

I'm tired.

I'm not sure what I should really be doing. What I have been doing recently is definitely necessary and part of the picture. But it's a part, not the whole. I have an idea of what it should feel like. How to get there is another issue.

Busy

That pretty much sums up why I've been so asocial and written so little in my blog lately. It's a state that will probably continue for a while. Hopefully not without some breaks, though :-)

Dive and fly

People who can go beyond. Beyond the mundane reality... higher, deeper, more intensely. I have known a few. I can count them on the fingers of one hand. All more or less entirely in the past. The only people of my past who I wish were still my present.

Some more people who can get off the ground, out of the everday just for a little... I am thankful they exist.

And I am thankful for the people who have shown me how to walk and why to value walking.

I wish there was someone who taught me how to truly fly.

To dare means to surrender

Might sound paradoxical, but think about it... it's true.

Just a random insight.

Pärnu

I met up with Elise and Gerly today. I've rarely had a chance to spend much time talking with Gerly despite having always wanted to do so. She was always so busy... still is, I guess. Now she and Gerda are in Tallinn and I'm in Tartu. It's strange to think about it. Strange how much I miss them when I start thinking about it. Especially Gerly, even though we barely ever talked during secondary school. I miss the seed of an extraordinary fire in her soul, even though dormant and hidden behind everyday orderliness most of the time... the glimpses of the actual flames on some few occasions... that very deep and intense and passionate and almost mystic essence that is her, such a beautiful her... I guess it's what you'd need to be an inspired musician. I even miss the more mundane things... damn, I even miss her being the person my mother always said I should be more alike. Well, her and Gerda both really, with all their hard work and determination and achievements.

When I start thinking about it, they're far from being the only ones once present in my life and now... I don't know. I guess that's just how it goes. I don't mind really... changes are good. I just wish there was more of her kind of inspiration in my current world. ...or at any time in my life, really. I guess she's always been one of a kind. I'm afraid I'd need to find someone like a true creative genius to find such beautiful intensity anywhere else.

Oh well, I guess one more reason to go for working with the gifted.